Thankfulness

Our pastor is doing a series of sermons about living in the promised land and stepping out of the wilderness. They are about living in an attitude of thankfulness and not an attitude of complaining. There are so many things I have to be thankful for. Here are a few:

-My wonderful, wonderful husband. We took time off work this past week to work on our house and finish the upstairs in part for preparation for baby Stella. We moved in 6 months ago, but there was still painting, and other improvement projects we wanted to do. Tommy worked so hard this week on our house, and I am so grateful for him. I helped, of course, but my activities are a little limited. I feel like I get tired after about 10 minutes. He was so patient and kind and worked so hard to make our house more beautiful. I'm not sure if I have ever loved him more than I love him today. He is a blessing to me, a true gift from God. My best friend. I am thankful we have a house and a great, great husband to help me make it a home.

-Stella! I am so thankful that my pregnancy has gone so smoothly. I could not ask for a better pregnancy. I try to hard not to complain about the little things that inconvenience me about being pregnant, for as sure as I complain I think about all the women in this world who struggle with infertility and would give anything to live with those inconveniences. I remember what it was like before we got pregnant, wondering if we were indeed one of those couples who would not have children. So again, I am thankful for my unborn daughter and I'm really thankful that I can feel her moving around and know that she's alive, that makes me feel alive.

-My family. I have the greatest mom and dad ever. Ever. I love them so much, it makes my heart hurt. My dad helped with the house this week and my mom came over and helped with some things as well. I know there are other ways they could spend their days, but they choose to spend them with us. My mom and dad have totally embraced Tommy as their own and he loves them just as much. I can't wait for poppaw and grandmommy to meet their little princess and love her like they love Tommy and me.

-My church. My church is like a second family. I am so thankful to have so many people who care for us and are truly concerned about our well being and happiness. They are so excited about the baby and they ask for weekly updates about her. What a great way to worship and to minister-in the company of those who truly love each other.

-My dogs. I'm so, so thankful for my little Gracie and Duke. They are truly awesome companions, especially Gracie. I love her so much!!! She's my loyal pal and hung by my side everyday this week.

So, how can I complain when God has blessed me in so many different ways? I am thankful for the cross and what it has done for my life and for all the things in my life God has decided to bless me with. Where would I be in this world without Him?

I think I'm ready to move out of the wilderness permanently.

Namesake

Tommy and I have decided on a name for baby girl. Stella. It's not conventional or trendy, I know, but what the name means to me trumps those things. We are naming her after my Granny. She died in 2003 but I still adore her and I miss her and I think about her all the time. My mom went back to work when I was little and I went to Granny's house everyday until I was old enough to go to school. She was 91 when she passed away, she was born in 1911 (how amazing is that!). So, you can imagine what it must have been like for her to be in her 70's when I stayed at her house everyday. I didn't have a lot of friends my age, so I had pretend friends. "Cooler" was a real good buddy of mine (from the pound puppies) and I would drag her down to this big hard rock, "Cooler's house" and she would pretend with me like she actually believed in my fake friends. When I got there in the morning I usually ate cereal or toast and she listened to the obituaries on her radio and I watched cartoons. She also used to give me coffee, or "secret" as she called it, so my dad wouldn't know. She is also the reason I know the story of the Hortons and the Brady's from back in the 1980's on Days of Our Lives. This is what we watched everyday at 1:00, the "stories." Every Sunday my family went to visit her and eat dinner after church. I saw cousins and aunts and uncles, so many that I don't see anymore. Granny had 10 kids, so you can only imagine the amount of extended family members that produced.

There are so many things to say about her. There are so, so many more stories to tell. She was loving and funny, really witty, and smart. My dad absolutely adored her as did I and the entire family. She was the glue that held everyone together and I don't think she even knew it. She was a "beautiful soul" as my cousin would say and I can't think of a better way to honor that love than to name my daughter after her. My husband is amazing and wonderful and even though he never met her, he understands how much I still love her and I am so blessed that he feels like this name is fitting as well. Her middle name is Mae, after Tommy's Granny. A woman who is also funny, loving and sweet. Tommy has fond memories of her as well. We haven't told her yet, and I hope that she is happy about our choice. I can't wait until my daughter is old enough for all the funny stories that I have of Granny. So, Stella Mae Farrow it is. Probably a little early to announce, but that's okay. So to a beautiful person, inside and out, I love you! Thank you for helping make me who I am today and I hope that our little Stella knows how much you would have loved her.

Things that cannot be taught

The middle school kids at the Boys & Girls Club were supposed to go on a field trip today to WIVK studios for a studio tour. Pretty cool trip, especially since almost everyone in this area listens to WIVK.

Sgt. Jason Hovater, a Lake City native, was killed in Afghanistan last week. His funeral procession went through the streets of Lake City today to the veterans cemetary in Knoxville. Today the members of the Club were given the option to pay their respects to Sgt. Hovater or attend their scheduled field trip. Today they made the decision they didn't want to go to WIVK.

The scene was this: the streets of Lake City filled with people on the sidewalks with flags in their hands standing silently as the procession drove by. Our Club Members stood in a single file line down the sidewalk, 50 kids or so, with their hands behind their backs staring at the procession in silence. Paying their respects to a man they didn't even know for serving and honoring their country. This is the kind of thing that you cannot teach. Patriotism. I am so sad for the family, but I am so proud of our kids for making the decision to honor him. Everyone has their own opinion about the war, whatever that might be. I hope that the pride that comes from living in this nation does not become diminished because of those opinions, but that younger generations continue to believe in our country and what it stands for.

I'm forgetful

I'm getting to be more and more forgetful. My brain used to be like a vault, now it's like a pasta strainer. I want to remember more of my pregnancy and share it some day with our baby girl, so this is a good way to journal and to share my thoughts and feelings with the world, or whoever chooses to read it.

Our baby girl is due on November 28, 2008, so I'm 21 weeks pregnant this week. For the first time last night I clearly felt her move. Several times. I've been waiting to feel it, and I focus as I'm laying in bed at night, silently encouraging her to let me know that she's there. Last night I know for sure that I felt her flipping, kicking or running in place, I'm not quite sure what the movement was. Just a little movement in my belly, I don't think I can even describe it. I told Tommy and he put his hand on my belly firmly and he felt it too! Faintly for him, but I know it will get stronger in weeks to come. It was such a great moment for us. For he and I and baby girl along with our dogs, Gracie and Duke to lay in the bed as a family, was a wonderful feeling. I did spend the rest of the night going to the bathroom, trying to get Duke to go back to sleep at the foot of the bed and having horrible heartburn every time I turned from my left side to my right side after freaking out when I woke up on my back. I think the days of sleeping through the night are over for a while. Strangely, I'm okay with this, especially thinking about feeling my sweet girl swimming around in her warm little home.

I think about her a lot. I try to read to find out what she looks like and what's forming and developing. This week, according to the websites, she's as long as a carrot (10 1/2 inches) and her eyebrows and eyelids are formed. Not only do I think about her physical well being, but also about her spiritual well being. I am praying that one day she'll realize that she needs the Lord and that she will make the decision to accept Him in her life, I also pray for her husband. I pray that one day she'll meet the Christian man God is designing her for. I want to be a good mom so much. I want her to get all my good qualities and none of my bad. I want her to see her mom and dad together and realize how beautiful and wonderful love is and to hold out for that perfect love God has in store for her. I want her to make the world better. All of these thoughts and hopes for a baby that I haven't even met, makes me wonder how much love and hope one heart can hold. I can't wait until the day that I meet her, as she comes screaming into the world.

So, I'll take the memory loss, the weight gain, sleepless nights, and irratability. If it makes baby girl healthy and strong and happy, that's okay with me.